Chapter 11

Off on to yet another mind-meandering meander, dear Reader. 😊

Very happy to share it with you as I go hoping that you, too, will enjoy meandering with it.

Reality check: Though references to anxiety and depression have escalated under the reign of C-19, our forever increasing level of emotional discomfort was already sky-high before the 2020 pandemic.

How could it be any different when we know that happiness cannot flourish in a bed of worry and fear?

Once our ‘soil’ has been contaminated by our thoughts’ equivalent of lead and herbicides, neither can our inner wisdom, our soul-based intuition flourish.

That sort of ‘contamination’ from the ground up occurs when we ‘do’ life convinced that the forces of nature, people, the economy and all that can be perceived through the senses are so many deal makers – or breakers.

The only fertiliser that will invigorate the depleted soil that seals our outer boundaries is faith.

Faith means trust.

Trust in our innate power to respond with clarity and with a coherent alignment of our gut, our heart and our mind.

As our faith/trust grows, more and more moments of clarity bring us closer to blooming.

Closer to blossoming – closer to that most elusive C word: Contentment.

From a secular perspective, it means having faith in our inner power.

It means having faith in Soul.

From within a religious framework, it means having an unshakeable faith in God, Jesus or Guiding Angels.

Or in Mother Earth.

Or in the universe, depending on one’s belief system.

Either way, the notion of trust/faith means we know we are alone in our transformational expedition of a lifetime.

In fact, as human beings, we are never alone even when we feel we are because, no matter how we spin it, we don’t live on a deserted island. Quite the contrary.

So, we develop faith in our ability to practice the ethos of ‘many’ working as one for the benefit of all. And, of course, we lead by example to include those dearest and nearest to us.

‘All for one and one for all’, is an old phrase popularised by Dumas’ novel The Three Musketeers.

And ‘E Pluribus Unum’, the Latin phrase for ‘out of many, one’ can just as easily refer to humans toiling together for the greater good, as to a variety of herbs, vegetables and spices blending together as one to create a tasty, healthy salad.

So, we cultivate the ‘All for one and one for all’ mindset in our homes.

We fertilise it in our workplace, in our teams, in our social groups.

Wherever we are, we bring in fresh air, gentle sunlight and clear water to the relationships we nurture near and far with those we see in person and with those we only see on screens.

Heads up #1: though, by design, we are deeply intuitive, most of us have lost touch with our inner knowing.

What we call ‘the voice in our head’ is not our voice.

It’s not the voice of our inner self and it’s not Soul’s voice either.

It’s not our intuition.

It’s ‘simply’ the whisper of amalgamated thoughts and memories, a.k.a. the voice of the ego.

It’s the voice of the self we think we are.

It’s the silent voice of the bound self we see in the mirror, the one that answers to our name.

That voice comes from our brain.

Heads up #2: our brain only weighs about 3 pounds but, science tells us, it has more than 87 billion neurons whirring around. So, of course, the poor thing can become overwhelmed and unavailable for clear thinking. 😊

Currently, early in 2021, the spiking levels of stress and anxiety are the blowing trumpets urging us to show up in unity and cooperation with all the aspects of who we truly are – here, today – on planet Earth.

And the sudden current uptick in domestic abuse only adds to the urgency of inner-outer action. Just as racial inequalities that always were barely veiled, systemic misogyny is now impossible to ignore.

Sure, it’s easy to go on pulling the wool over our own eyes and attribute the forever spiking number of aggressions against women and children in their own homes to lockdowns, Covid-19 frustrations and restrictions, financial hardship – and other so-called ‘unprecedented’ complications.

In truth, it is not the dire complications themselves that are unprecedented. It is the cumulation of ongoing, synchronised occurrences in every community, in every city, in every country and across all age groups that creates the current climate of unprecedented instability and fear.

Even if, for now, our loved ones and we have been spared, it’s difficult to not imagine havoc whirling through our front door …at any moment.

But, then, again, even under the reign of C-19, we are not all equal.

But, then, again, the specks of humanity that we are cannot be, in hardship, any more equal to any other little speck than we are in fulfilment.

Can’t happen.

Though we all have struggled with several aspects of our lives at one time or another, we were not all ‘hit’ at the same time.

We have never been affected in the same manner.

We have not reacted or responded in the same manner.

We have not bounced back in the same way, either.

Not even when circumstances were very close to being identical.

That’s because each one of us has a unique karmic blueprint. It’s the one we go on co-tweaking with the universe in/out of every choice we make.

Thought by thought, decision by decision, action by action or inaction – moment by moment – mostly unconsciously; that’s how we do it.

Year after year after year.

We do that until the micro-moment when Soul suspends our breath forever.

So, one and all, dear Reader, we could accept that the root cause of domestic violence, coercive behaviour and the ongoing sexual abuses of girls and women is an age-old by-product of the barely veiled anti-female bias.

Serious question: shouldn’t we be honest with ourselves and agree that this bias is (and always has been) lurking below the surface of socially expected but tenuous male restraint.

Heads up: emotional fitness always shows up as stability and correctness.

However, always explosive is the wired and enduring belief of men in the dominance of the [physically] strongest.

What degree of relative coherence boys and men might usually control explodes in a key moment underfoot.

It does, once they feel their ‘buttons’ are being pushed harder than usual.

Or when their impulses are fueled by drugs and alcohol.

When one is a jungle-dweller or lives in a war zone or a refugee camp, it is more than ‘natural’ to stay wired to destructive impulses when our lives be endangered.

But, here, under our roofs, where neither tigresses nor Black Widow narco-traffickers lurk, self-control, fortitude or simply a respect for ‘all’ human lives seem to be draining away from more and more boys and men.

Perhaps, afterwards, it’s easy for these offenders to mutter a sorry apology. Perhaps, it’s gets easier to repeat the aggression.

Maybe it’s painful for these boys and men to live with the shame of knowing their behaviour, even when not always murderous, is morally highly reprehensible and as damaging as it is damming.

Big breath in.

Slow breath out.

Time to widen the lens.

Reality check: boys and men are born and bred in our midst.

As my mentor, Yudit CS, used to say more than 15 years ago, ‘They have not been beamed down from Planet X.

They are someone’s fathers, sons and brothers. They are uncles and cousins. Sometimes, they are even ours.

Regardless of his age, every abusive male has his own background story.

As we all do.

It’s true.

None of us is ever consistently either good or bad, thoughtful or callous, sociopathic or altruistic.

That’s true, too.

Hailing back from early childhood experiences and wired deep within our neural pathways, we all have an array of limiting thoughts and beliefs active in our subconscious mind.

When our perception allows pressure to build up inside, these thoughts electrify reactions that have devastating consequences – even if not lethal ones.

Boys and girls, men and women alike, we all have bits of shrapnel buried just below the skin and, when an emotion connects with one of these bits, we become reactive.

We all do … in varying ways.

We know that’s true.

If our reactions are not vastly destructive, we have our karmic blueprint to thank for that.

It’s not our time to be that nasty.

It’s not our time to struggle either under the weight of our conscience and/or under the gravity of punishment and shame.

Still … our reactivity is often emotionally noxious – toxic for all involved.

It’s always detrimental to our wellbeing and that of those who have [karmically] found themselves in our circle of care.

Whether our thoughts, our moods and the reactions they trigger are aimed at our parents, at our partners, at our young or mature children, at relatives or friends, at colleagues or neighbours – perhaps at strangers, too – it’s highly likely that many of them over time have been internalised as hurtful.

Even when they were intended to be helpful and, according to our perception, proof of our love.

It’s very likely that some of our words and decisions have alienated a number of them – to our detriment.

Even if some of those we labelled ‘difficult’ have been pushed aside by our clapback, we don’t sleep any better for it.

We know that’s true.

It’s also true that there are circumstances when our brain dims down its emotional response to our unhealthy behaviour.

It’s wired to sugar coat outcomes and shift blame to the other, as if we were not expected – or able – to be in charge of our own actions.

Maybe that avoidance mechanism is another aspect of the ancient survival thing that enables murderous intentions and that huge array of limiting behaviours aimed at our selves as often as they are aimed at others.

Near and far.

Seen and unseen.

Either way, responsibility avoidance makes it easier to repeat selfish, vengeful or rageful behaviour again … and again – while feeling less and less guilty as times goes by.

Heads up: when we are reactive towards anyone … instead of falling back on the popular, good-humoured catchphrase of the ’70s, ‘It’s the devil that made me do it,’ in total honesty, we can declare, ‘It’s my brain that’s prompted me to do it,’ which would be true.

True, yes! But, by no means a reason for an exoneration.

‘Home should be an anchor’, said Elder Marvin J. Ashton, ‘a port in a storm, a refuge, a happy place in which to dwell, a place where we are loved and where we can love.’ There’s no reason why our workplace, our team, our social groups shouldn’t be ‘anchors’, too.

And why not paraphrase another old colloquialism in the belief that ‘the world should be our oyster’?

Reality check #1: though oysters are notoriously difficult to open, one’s persistence is often rewarded.

Imagined possibilities make the effort worthwhile.

Reality check #2: we are all afraid of losing what love we have. Even when that love is dry.

We are all afraid of losing the life we have.

Even when that life is somewhat dysfunctional and depleting.

We know that’s true.

Our brain is adaptive.

It is able to regenerate itself.

Then, it’s up to each one of us to cultivate a new perspective.

So, dear Reader, how about we lift up our head and aim to move from unconscious behaviour to conscious responses to What-Is?

How about we focus our thoughts more on the future that’s forever peaking in the next moment underfoot than on the past that is about nothing more than traces of amalgamated toxic material whirring only in our thoughts?

Up to us to become conscious of how fortunate we are in so many ways.

So, how about we tap the pause button and count those ways?

Right here.

Right now.

In the only moment that ever exists in our reality.

Bottom line: the freedom to choose our thoughts and our actions and inactions is always ours.

It’s our unalterable birthright.

Whether we are boy or girl, man or woman, it’s the fundamental right we activate every time we step up to our selves.

Now, we stay focused on the things that feel meaningful and purposeful to our selves.

A gardener once told me that the first thing a seed needs to do for itself once planted is to strip off its protective outer layer.

It needs to do that before it can develop its first roots.

Only then can it tap into its inherent energy.

Only then can it begin the process of thriving and of, eventually, bearing flowers or fruit.

 

Reality check: it’s historically true that just about every reinvention of any status quo was preceded by a seemingly dormant period.

The calm before a heart-driven ‘revolution’ – even if it didn’t always go smoothly.

It’s about accepting as true that, in between two thoughts, exists a gap open to coherent responses to What really Is – and to the invisible myriad coherent possibilities that, as a flow-on, effect await beyond.

 

Serious question: dear Reader, how about we begin that transformational expedition of a lifetime by finding inspiration in the journey of a little seed birthing itself in healthy soil?

You see, if we understand that wishful thinking and unconscious behaviour co-creates our destiny in an haphazard way, mostly through flurries of disappointments, how about we agree to have a Conscious Input in that co-creation?

So, is Conscious Input the last item to add near the top of our bucket list – or has yet another aha moment fluttered into your awareness from the depth of your soulful self?

Here’s the thing: whether the transformational expedition of a lifetime is over 4×4 rough terrain or through high seas and strong winds, it IS the journey.

It IS our journey.

As such, it’s always a work in progress.

It’s always a life in progress.

It’s always creating a life worth living – a life well-lived – on planet Earth.

So, best wishes, dear Reader. Fair winds and very kind thoughts from me,

P.S. I’d love your support in spreading the word about All Matters on the Heart & Soul of our Culture!